Lately I’ve been feeling really lonely. At school, I really have no one to talk to. They all know each other, they all have their little groups to chat with during the passing periods and when we’re working on group projects. I don’t. I moved an hour and a half away from my true home to come here. I thought it would be better. I wanted out of Bloomington. But now I realize I was wrong. I miss all my friends, my dad, Courtney, and even the friends I lost. It’s so hard without them.

I come home to a mom who bothers the hell out of me and when I tell her to stop, she gets angry with me. I just wish she would understand that I need some space and I’m not a little girl anymore. I’m not going to laugh and the silly things she does. To me, now, it’s ridiculous.

As well as coming home to mom, I come home to neighbors. I love my neighbors. But if you think about it, it’s kind of sad that they’re really my only friends here. There’s Barb with her three kids: Mona, Josh, and Noah. Then there’s Hope and Eric. And then the occasional Bobbie with her daughter Leslie. They tend to annoy all of us, though.

I do feel like it would be a lot easier to go to Hope or Barb if I had any problems. They seem like they’d really listen and care unlike my mom who can’t take anything seriously. And that really just…brings me to tears to know that my own mother really isn’t there for me. She may say she cares but I doubt it a lot of the time.

School is so tough. I really wish I had the help of real friends and a mom who actually paid attention. I try so hard on everything but they just really crack down on you.

·         World History was tough in the beginning. My teacher isn’t a good one at all so I usually just sit there and text Shay. We’re on a good subject in that class now, though. Ancient India and China. I like learning about China…

·         French is going fairly well but sometimes I feel she’s going a bit too fast. But it’s easy to study for the class and, in time, I think I’ll catch on.

·         Algebra is hard. I’m just going to say that. She goes at a good pace which is nice but it’s still tough in a way. Those negative numbers really nip me in the butt. I’ll get better, though. I know I will. And I’ve only got one more year of it I’m pretty sure…

·         Biology is really hard. Mr.Rott is such a cool teacher but everything in that class is awful. It’s like math. All of it is so overwhelming!!

·         Then an easy class…Jewelry Making. I love that class. There’s a girl in it who’s really nice to me and it’s just an over all fun class. A great way to start a day and a good way to relax in a way too. I love using my hands to create things and it’s nice to have that unlike my other classes where there aren’t many hands on activities.

·         English is a nice class. I love reading and writing and learning about literature so it’s a fairly easy class for me. The only problem I have with it is that the people in there are just loud and obnoxious and…not my friends. I’m a definite outcast in that class. I think Mrs.Gross can see that at times, too. A lot of teachers notice the outcasts…and those are usually their favorites. Yay…

·         Lastly, gym class. I hate that class over all. The people in it are immature boys and sporty girls. Two types of people I do not get along with. Bucky says I’m a really sweet girl (I’m an outcast in that class too, so of course she’ll notice me. I’m also the first girl out of the locker rooms.) but I’m still afraid of her. She can be kind of mean sometimes.

I don’t think anyone understands what I’ve had to go through with moving up here and all. My grandpa died, I have no friends, and school is just so difficult.

I say I don’t have friends and I’m serious. I mean…I talk to people at lunch and in some of my classes (WH, French, Biology, JM, and Gym) but they’re not my friends. They’re just people who are…there. Sort of like people who were randomly put there to keep you company so you’re not the outcast in all of your classes.

Merideth, in WH, is nice but I’m so jealous of her. She gets to go on trips almost every weekend and that’s just the thing I want. I miss Los Angeles and New York and being in the big cities with the high social classed people. They’re the people I look up to even if they are rude bastards or bitches who will snap at you if you don’t do something right.

Lauren and Paloma in French class are nice too but, once again, I have one class with them and then they’re gone. They’re just company that was randomly put there for me so I wouldn’t go into a state of depression.

Kenzie in Biology…I have my doubts about her. She seems like the kind of girl who is there just to boss you around and make you look bad. She’s done some mean things that I know she’s jokingly doing but she’s a preppish girl. She laughs at my reactions and it hurts…

Then Noalie (I’m really not sure how to spell her name, she’s from Belgium and her name is French so it’s hard to say and pronounce. I really like her. She’s a sweet girl. But I’ve got just that class with her so it’s not very fun that I have to leave and not have someone to talk to for the rest of the day.

Then in gym class, there’s Katie. She’s really nice but she hangs out with the “rebelious” kids. They cuss, do drugs, have sex, all that. I wish she didn’t. I mean…she doesn’t seem like the kind of girl who would do any of that (but cuss) but she still is around a bad influence.

Anyways…life has been difficult. I know I sound like every teenager in the world but a lot of those teenagers have friends. At least…the ones I know do. Plus their grandpa didn’t just die and they weren’t sick so they didn’t have to miss school for a day and a half, and they also have a parent they can go to if they’re living with them.

I’m like…the opposite of the paragraph stated above.

And right now, at this moment, my mom is bitching at me because I want to leave. I just miss everyone so much. She hates the fact that I call Courtney family which is just plain rude. I love Courtney. She’s…better than my own mom. (I guess I’m like Hope in a way. She feels the same way about her own step mom.) My mom just doesn’t understand how I feel about this place. She even said something like: “Oh and out of the 5,000 kids that go to CHS, you can’t find any friends! I think that’s a personal problem!” No, mom, it’s not…it’s the fact that I don’t fit in and that it’s just not the right place for me.